Is she crazy, what do those three things have to do with each other?
I am blissfully crazy, and I think those three things have a lot to do with each other.
My relationship with sugar has been addictive to say the least.
I know, I know, its not exactly something I could go to AA for, or that would get me sympathetic ears in any form of self help meeting, but I think that my journey with sugar has a huge impact on my life. I’ll explain.
For a start, I’ve always had a bodily reaction in my vaginal area, which is directly related to overconsumption of sugar (sorry guys, I’m getting a little personal, but realness is my medicine, and the way I work. Personally, I believe realness is a powerful medicine which we can use to heal the world. If we get our truth out there, its always a start, we can do something with it, learn with each other, and provide healing support for each other).
So back to sugar and my symptoms. As a teenager, I never understood why it was happening, but I just thought I was getting an embarrassingly frequent recurrence of ‘thrush’. Later in life I had a scare with HPV (also common, and they say it is the distant pre-cursor to cervical cancer). And recently, I had a highly painful swollen Bartholins Gland, ouch!
What do these three conditions have in common? They flare up in the vaginal area with overconsumption of sugar. (Ok so I’m not a doctor, but if you read up on all of them, you’ll see numerous posts about reducing sugar intake and eating Alkaline foods as a treatment). I didn’t actually need doctors to tell me this, I began to pick that binges directly lead to these occurrences, and that if I ignored the warning signs, I tended to get more significant symptoms. I also have personal experience of defying doctors recommendations and using a ‘no sugar green leafy diet’ to cure a high grade HPV abnormality. (They wanted to cut it out surgically, I decided to cure it naturally within three months, and succeeded!).
Basically, if I eat too much sugar, I get itchy. A strange itch (sometimes its also connected to a funny sensation in my ears.. dunno if anyone ever relates to that- just putting it out there as I experience it).
To add to this, I also have a sense that if I am not letting my sexual energy flow properly, I ALSO get itchy.
I assume I’m not the only one who doesn’t always feel all sexual sensation fully. I’m talking about the times when we’re stuck in our heads, we feel shut down, disconnected from our body, and we may have the experience of not feeling as much as we usually do during sex…. At those times its kind of like I’m numbed out, and when I do finally open during love making, the pleasure comes and recedes like a sudden tidal wave (rather than the slow build up which I will be subtly aware of when I am truly connected to my sensitivity).
So a correlation…. Funny itch.. blocked sexual energy… lesser connection to emotions… sugar.
I can go further with this.
Sometimes, when I’m feeling a little shut down in my body, I’ll notice that something has happened which would usually turn me on, but instead of pleasure, I’ll feel a slight indication of that funny itching sensation.
And also, when I am uncomfortable with an emotion or a sensation (sadness, anger, pleasure) I tend to grab for the chocolate.
So that’s why, personally, I feel there is a correlation.
I feel that I unconsciously use sugar to block my sensitivity to sensations (and emotions).
And when I do so, I can end up feeling slight indications of that itch (that is similar to thrush or other illnesses that present in that area). And when I have been unconscious and ‘pigging out’, I tend to be disconnected from my body and have a level of numbness to pleasure.
I think it works the other way around too. When I put the sugar down for a while, a month or a week, I have the experience that I become more present to subtle sensations in my body, as well as subtle emotions (such as vulnerability, sadness, frustration, etc). I even feel I become more aware of my inner world and my dreams.
I think that all of life, every moment is a choice,
Either to feel and go deeply into the rabbit hole of human experience, the portal into the other end of the universe, soul flooding oblivion.
Or… to block.
Feel or block
Feel or block
And I think sugar… addictions… foods and otherwise
Are tools we use to block
when we’re not ready
or scared to go deep into our sensitivity
And the consequence
That’s what I think.
And I’m beginning to more and more strongly want to choose ‘life’ in every moment.
I feel that that’s what I’m doing here.
Creating spaces where we encourage each other, remind each other, that we do want to choose life in every moment.
I’m inspired to go on a 21 day quest, to drop deeply into connection with self and say no to my personal addictions. Anyone wanna come with me? (excuse the pun, I am naughty)
Tell me I’m crazy if you like. I’m just being real and trying to draw my own conclusions based on my own bodily (and emotional) experiences.
I know its not statistical and empirical and couldn’t be the basis of a scientific report.
But its about time we actually listened to our own unique sensations and adapted to them, rather than ignoring our receptors and only stuffing in the external suggestions.
That’s where power comes from, validating and learning from, our own personal experiences.
Checking, measuring, validating, learning, and thus empowering ourselves.
Who’s with me? 21 day spiritual quest to say yes to sensation and put down personal addictions?