Sometimes I feel like I have so many things to express inside me that I can barely hold them back. As if the ‘masculine’ side of me is having an out of control ejaculation and I can barely hold onto the.. blasting fireman’s hose (the kind where you’re not sure if the fire hose is holding me or I am holding it).
Other times I feel like I’m caught up in chasing the giddy elixr of finally feeling alive and heard in the things I most care about. And other times (increasingly lately) I feel I just need to shut the whole communication thing off, for numerous days and go within.
And when I do that at first it can feel like coming off an addiction (and who are we not to be addicted to feeling alive?!). And then after some time it feels so good in this still place that I want it to go on for longer, a whole week even, of relative silence. And then before long the great pressure of the explosive fire hose of expression starts up gain.
I kid you not, the other day I was in my car, on my engineering lunch break, giddyly creating a video log of something I was burning to say, on my crappy phone camera. What has gotten into me?
With the end of my engineering career (9 work days to go and counting), it feels as if someone has taken me out of my box and I cant be put back in.
And also, I think, this great desire to express which emerges in many of us is an APPROPRIATE RESPONSE to the great thirst, the great need, environmentally, spiritually, socially, sexually which I see in this world.
That is the true drought. All climate change issues are reflected in the burning deserts and egoic empires within our individual souls.
I painted the flower because I wanted to learn from it. A Lilly folds its petals out to be seen, immediately, when it is ready, it does not delay or hide but it just opens and IS, and expresses by doing that.
Yet it has a protected area for its inner world. If it were fully flattened and its petals were equally visible, it would soon fall to pieces.
I also see that it has a time to express and a time to be inner.
I would like to model myself on this.